If Only For Tonight

Ever once in a while there comes moments in my life, where i feel like a situation is more alive, and has more presence then most of my other moments. Like one night at a party where you look into the crowd and feel all your friends coalescing in one place, and knowing the stories behind you and some of those friends, would tear most people miles and miles apart, and the stories that are yet to unfold will never destroy that bond. Or like a late night drive, and that one song comes on that seems to make everything feel super focused and crystal clear. Its a feeling i wait all day to feel, and wish i could feel all the time, and maybe when i was younger i did, my innocent and untarnished mind would wonder and things felt more important and big... but now i wait with baited breath.. for a night where focus is attainable.

Most moments of my life seem flat, dull, scattered, uncolorful, and I'm sure more words that pertain to a lack of importance and uniformity. Yet if only for tonight under these stars, i can feel permanent and feel my presence is so big yet so small, under this atmosphere.. i would gladly die knowing i felt it once or a few times at least. I wonder if anyone ever feels that same way. Maybe its some deep Romanticism I've constructed in my head, but i tend to think, as we get older these feelings are harder and harder to find, and we have to force ourselves to break monotony's hold on us to truly appreciate what we have in our lives, and what has been molded around us, our friends, our families, our interests and passions, space, time, all that lies behind, in front and within us physically and mentally, its hard to imagine i can forget these things when they are so grand and amazing, but i do.

So what I'm gonna do is listen to Cap'n Jazz open my blackout curtains stare out the window and appreciate everything life has to offer, and try to feel a little less self conscious and feel like part of the bigger picture.